Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Assorted limericks


A pompous conductor named Claude
Led by a method that was flawed
As he raised his large baton
Whole groups he would con
Since they never guessed him a fraud.

A pompous conductor named Clyde
Stood close to the sea at high tide
When his baton was raised
People were always amazed
When they saw the seas start to divide

A fellow who had an affair
Never wore any underwear
When someone knocked on the door
He found dressing an impossible chore
So he left the place rather bare!

An infamous author named Gene
Was extremely callous and mean
He was a louse to his wife
For all their married life
Till she added arsenic to her cuisine.

A creative young woman named Ro
had to look high and low for a beau
Then she found an agreeable man
Who kept her treasures in a van
But he turned out to be a real shmoe!

A fellow who hated to clean
Angered his wife, Arlene
So he hired a young girl
Who did work in a swirl
Since she was juiced on caffein!

An elderly woman named Ellen
Wanted to circle the world
like Magellan
But she was too old
And not enough bold
To pay what the tourist
agent was sellen!

A hard-working fellow named Zeke…
Used to work every day of the week
But each night was for romance
And he would always dance
Together with his sweetheart
cheek to cheek!

A brassy old woman named Joan
Didn’t know corn from a pone
And when she ate grits
She most always had fits
Cause corn put her out of the zone.

A romantic young fellow named Will,
Used to bring his ladies to his still.
They greatly enjoyed his brew.
Made from the best mountain dew
which he tried very hard not to spill.

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