Friday, December 31, 2010

In flight power failure

I was flying by line of sight
I told the crew to hang tight
Our plane flew into some twisters
That fried all the transistors
And we nearly died of fright

Thursday, December 30, 2010

My defective pillow

I have a defective pillow
At night it just won't billow
I have to frown
It was made from down
From geese in Amarillo

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

South Dakota

With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein

South Dakota where the wind goes sweepin' through your hair
It blows and blows
And after it goes
You can use it to catch insects as a snare
You know you belong to that state
Because it's so absolutely great
And when you say
You're doing fine South Dakota
South Dakota, USA

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

The death of my pets

The other day I was sad, my mind was in a fog
My kissing gourami swallowed my african frog
Sadly they both died in my tank
Neither could breathe, so they sank

Monday, December 27, 2010

Bird Food

See all of the birdies in the tree
The mother bird and each trainee
They eat all kinds of bugs
Including worms and slugs
If I were a bug, I would flee

Sunday, December 26, 2010

The messy eater

A man was enjoying dessert
Got a big stain on his shirt
He poured water from his glass
On that sticky chocolate mass
While listening to a jazz concert

It stopped a bullet

I have a true story thats not droll
About candy called the Tootsie Roll
It was really on the spot
And it saved me when I was shot
In the Korean War near Seoul

Saturday, December 25, 2010

My Lord, how the money rolls in!

I'm so enthralled with my money tree
It grew from a seed now I'm bourgeoisie
I used to be poor
Now I have grandeur
I no longer work. I'm a retiree

Thursday, December 23, 2010

I'm going to pieces!

Several sleepless nights have produced bags under my eyes
I'm so filled with deep fears and worries that I can't disguise
My thoughts and dreams
Are out of their seams
Not getting psychiatric help has definitely been unwise

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

I'm locked up!

I spent all night in the protozoa jail
No sporozoan would go my bail
So here I'll stay
Cause I can't pay
Just route all email to the protozoa jail

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Too much time on my hands

I had to kill some time so I became a knitter
At first it was difficult, but I was no quitter
I sat for hours
Beneath towers
Apparently too long, I was cited for litter

Monday, December 20, 2010

Hoover blues

When I use my vacuum cleaner
It changes my doggie's demeanor
He tries to act tough
But its really a bluff
It's really more fear and less meaner

Don't look too closely

A gal who was showing some thigh
Was happy it pleased man's eye
She was glad for the smoky haze
Keeping her countenance from their gaze
Such a discovery would never fly

Sunday, December 19, 2010

She was drunk

A gal who was showing some thigh
Smoked pot and drank much rye
When she was goaded
To tell why she was loaded
She said to act thus, she must get high

The lady was a flirt

A gal who was showing some thigh
Decided to poke a cad in the eye
Although she did flirt
While raising her skirt
Toward one of her friends nearby

Stay out of my pool!

Please don't jump into my pool
Is what I yelled to that crazy fool
But he was young
And he had flung
Himself into kiddie pee and animal stool

Friday, December 17, 2010

A birthday wish

If I’m given a birthday wish,
I’ll prob’ly choose som’thin delish.
To accompany a movie from Netflix
Filled with beautiful and exotic chicks
Possibly pizza, but not deep dish.

If I’m given a birthday wish,
I’ll prob’ly choose som’thin delish.
I’d fill up my tummy
With som’thin yummy
Possibly pizza, but not deep dish.

The new restaurant

Hey, grab yourself a seat
At that new place to eat
You'll need to buy new garbs
They load the food with carbs
They really know how to cheat

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The idea man

Darkness is a bitch
So why not switch
On the light
You'll get sight
And I won't snitch

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I am not really much of a prude

I am not really much of a prude
Licentious pictures keep me glued
For any heavily banned book
I’ll give more than a look
I especially like it if it’s lewd

Notes from Sam N Ella

I really do not mean to be a pest
Since I've awoken from my sleeping nest
If I make you ill
Buy a bigger pill
And then be really careful what you digest

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My town

I live in a city
A town without pity
That's my way
It's all I have to say
To avoid getting witty

Sunday, December 12, 2010

The salesman

A high-flying fellow in sales
Used to chase women’s tails
But after he went on a date
With a precocious jail bait
He spent lots of time in jails

A high-flying fellow in sales
Succeeded selling whiskey and ales
Although he was not debonair
He was able to snare
His best customers through emails

A high-flying fellow in sales
Spent time hunting quails
He had a blind spot
And whenever he shot
He hit them in their tails

Good Old Days

There was a time before TV
When radio entertained me
This was true despite
There was no view in sight
My imagination would run free

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Our home on the hill

We live on top of a very large hill
When icy, climbing takes great skill
While carrying our goods
In this neck of the woods
Doing our best to avoid a big spill

Friday, December 10, 2010


I'll be the chairman of the bored
Until sanity can be restored
I'm not much of a leader
And the board might teeter
But I'm all they can afford

Thursday, December 9, 2010

A crabby haiku

I do not like crabs
Because they itch and fester
They make me crabby

My "J" experience

As I was out walking I saw a jay
That seemed so blue, I had to say
I'm sorry that you're sad
Why have things gone bad
He did not answer and just flew away

Regarding changes in FB new format

I tend to strenuously avoid new things
Because of the bugs and the pings
I am set in my mold
With things that are old
Unaware of new gadgets "mood swings".

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Remembering Pearl

Why were the Yanks so upset when the Japs bombed Pearl Bailey?
She was quite a success on Broadway and the critics loved her gaily.
Perhaps the reason
For such high treason
Was that she was actually an Israeli

My uncle Don

i stay the hell away from my uncle Don
Who is well known as an infamous con
He hatches schemes at a speedy pace
He'll steal the eyes right off your face
So speed off to a country he'd avoid
Where it's less likely you'll be destroyed!

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

What if........?

Imagine if the brothers Wright
Had failed in their effort of flight
Would we be immune
For a flight to the moon
If all we could do is fly a kite?

Monday, December 6, 2010

That was then, this is now

When Susan got kissed under the mistletoe
It was a different experience from a year ago
But then Meredith Baxter
Was not a has been actor
And today she got her kiss from a gigolo

A groupie with issues

A jittery fellow named Fred
Was enchanted by things Palin said
But when she said our friend was North Korea
He became sickly ill with a violent diarrhea
And he couldn't get it out of his head

Sunday, December 5, 2010

His good deed

A crazy man sat by the road
A good Samaritan up to him strode
For he had dared
A meal to be shared
By that man, the birds and a toad

A laugh-er

You should learn some jokes
And practice them on your folks
I pray for you the gift of laughter
You should have it now and after
Before you're old and suffer strokes

Saturday, December 4, 2010

An activity that I like!

To "pork" is not being a pig
It is a thing that I truly dig
So won't you lay down here
while I take out my spear
After you take another swig?

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Chanukah 2010

Chanukah’s here, don’t you know it
And there are eight days to transmit
A season of joy
For every girl and boy
Jewish holidays are great from where I sit!