Ode to the tax man

Ode to the tax man

Ode to the tax man by Rob Hood©5-21-2004
With apologies to Cole Porter, I present my parody of "Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered".

THEY SMILED AGAIN

WHEN I FILED AGAIN

AND I THOUGHT

WHAT'S THE USE OF

GETTING RILED AGAIN?

RAPED ANGERED AND

BEWILDERED FEEL I


WHAT'S THE USE OF WORKING?

THEY'RE NOT NICE I AGREE

BETWEEN ALIMONY AND TAXES

I GUESS THE JOKES ON ME


I SAY A PRAYER

AS I COMB MY HAIR

ALL THE TIME THINKING

THAT LIFE'S NOT FAIR

RAPED ANGERED AND

BEWILDERED FEEL I


GOING ON THE DOLE

IS NOT EXCITING

THERE NO POSITIVE

SELF ESTEEM, I AGREE

WORKING HARD MAY SEEM INVITING

BUT THE JOKE'S ON THEE


I COULDN'T WORK

I FELT LIKE A JERK

THEN THE GOVERNMENT SHOWED ME

WHY I SHOULDN'T WORK

NO LONGER........

RAPED ANGERED AND

BEWILDERED FEEL I

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock by Rob Hood©2005

Hickory Dickory Dock

The house began to rock

The music played

All through the glade

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

I have a hole in my sock

I don't sew

afraid I'll cut my toe.

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

I bought myself some stock

The price went down

I began to frown

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

My wife brought herself a frock

She gained some weight

Wasting money's her fate

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

My brother is a doc

When you get ill

he gives you a pill

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

The farmer bought a cock

It laid the hen

again and again

Hickory Dickory Dock

Hickory Dickory Dock

I put my ring in hock

to get some money

for a gift to my honey

Hickory Dickory Dock

The sherriff of my town

The sherriff of my town by Rob Hood©2004

He wore a cowboy hat

and in a holster

was his gat.

He dressed in

the finest leather of the land

He was strong and bold

and at times really cold

A rootin tootin shootin man.

On his chest was a star.

He kept the law

Evil ones didn't

get too far.

He had a gold tooth

and he drank vermouth

from a jar

he kept hid

from his deputy Sid

beneath the middle

of the bar.

When midnight called

you might find him sprawled

with his feet upon the wall

He'd be nice to you

ask how you do

before telling his stories tall.

The madam was his pal

so he always slept with the best

I can't recall what it took

for a gal to pass

his self initiated test.

She had the credentials

and all the essentials

to be the best chef in town

but that was a time

when women and work

were words not

bandied around.

The street where you live

The street where you live by Rob Hood©2003

I have often trod down this street before

and my feet are bloody when I get to

your door

I often wonder what I do this for

as I wander through the minefield

to your house

People collapse and die

that don't bother me

For there's nowhere else on earth

that I would rather be

My therapist wonders

when I'll see

it's not safe on the street

where you live

And oh the towering feeling

when my friends blow up

before my eyes

yes it's a towering feeling

that no sadist or masochist

can disguise

They have pulled me out

to my great distain

Has my love for you

been all in vain?

So as time flies by

They won't care if I

can't be there on the street

where you live

The farmer in the dell

The farmer in the dell by Rob Hood©2003

The farmer in the dell

had an itch

he couldn't quell

It was way up

in the middle of his back

He tried to reach it

but he didn't have the knack.

He'd back against

the intersection of two walls

but he was very clumsy

and would experience falls.

Finally one day

he met a young lass

who scratched him tenderly

without any sass.

And so a relationship

came to be.

She is his better half

all his friends agree.

Some people marry

for love or money.

When you think

of their reason

it sure seems funny!

A Child's visit to the dentist

A Child's visit to the dentist by Rob Hood©12-1-2007

I'm in the dentist's chair

He's got me in his snare

I'm about to feel really ill

I'm here against my will

When Mommy said where

I was going

my tears began aflowing

Whenever I think about

that guy

it always makes me cry

He looks into my mouth

with glee

searching for cavitires

he wants to see

He loves to use his drill

and my cavities

he will fill

Days like this

I wish I'd slept through

because they always

make me blue