Rolaids, please!

Rolaids, please!

My tummy gets all swollen
From eating too many stollen
I get extremely stressed
Since it takes too long to digest
From my throat to my colon

Hard work never kills you!

Hard work never kills you!

Ive been working at the gold mine
It's dusty and dirty, but I feel fine
Working hard has many fine merits
Pulling out gold worth forty carats
And it beats standing in a bread line

How not to perform

How not to perform

After smoking a bit of pot
My performance was not too hot
I felt really woozy
And fell into the jacuzzi
While trying for a jump shot

Please feed the birdies!

Please feed the birdies!

I think it is rather rude
To deny a bird it's food
It's not okay
To throw it away
When it needs to feed it's brood

Beware of Felix

Beware of Felix

A woman was going to bat
She was rabid, bit by a rat
She lived in terrible fear
And would not come near
When she heard the meow of a cat

Google+ thoughts

Google+ thoughts

There is almost no one here
In this Google tier
I could hear my echo
Bounce off the art deco
What made it disappear?

Reference books

Reference books

How to books give us uses
That stir up all our juices
We learn about 100 ways
But I doubt more info stays
Then what our memory loses

Salvation

Salvation

A lot of Christians have raved
How wonderful it is to be saved
But a belief in original sin
Would put me in the loony bin
I don't want to be thus enslaved

I'm trying to fit in

I'm trying to fit in
I'm a member of the class mammalian
And I am a devout Episcopalian
Don't kick me out
Since without a doubt
I am an illegal alien

Visualizing

Visualizing

I'm certain that it's correct
That a cube is a 3-D object
It's so unkind
That I'm half blind
And not seeing it is a side effect

I need to ease up!

I need to ease up!

Damn that warning light
It's too visible in my line of sight
I want to ignore
That problem and more
I need to be way less uptight

Picture this!

Picture this!

A gal who was fast on her feet
Ripped her pants on a nail in her seat
When she got off her chair
People who were there
Took photos that were very indiscreet

Serial killer??

Serial killer??

I just read a real chiller
About a man who was a cereal killer
He favored oats
And even groats
Which he used for filler

The secret to a perfect marriage is a secret

The secret to a perfect marriage is a secret

When I was young, my head I'd scratch
As I searched for mate to whom to attach
A woman that I could truly love
Sent to me from The One above
But what I found was just a mismatch

My imagination

Long, tall and cool
With energy to fuel
I can think
In a wink
Now that's a handy tool!