Aging gracefully

Aging gracefully by Rob Hood© 9-22-09

Growing old can be such a pain

When there are many signs of rain

So keep yourself forever nimble

Make great health your symbol

Join my "Keep Healthy" campaign!

I'll put this frankly!

I'll put this frankly! by Rob Hood© 7-22-09

A very strange fellow named Frank

took a potion to make himself

bigger, but he shrank!

He complained to it's maker

who professed he shouldn't

have been it's taker.

He had a mix up in

prescriptions to thank!

A few limericks

A joke in the making by Rob Hood©7-10-09

Al Franken was never funny on Saturday night.

His humor was not very bright.

But I think that he'll begin

to give me a grin

when he appears on the C-SPAN site!


Hareless in Gaza by Rob Hood© 7-10-09


There once was a guy with no hair

Oh his pate was completely bare!

He never used a comb.

That utensil had no home.

It definitely had no use up there!

June Down The Drain by Rob Hood© 7-10-09

Oh when will the rain ever wane?

One would think that God would abstain

from taking a tinkle.

I’ll bet that’s a new wrinkle!

Until the water goes down the drain!


My Advice To Spammers by Rob Hood© 7-10-09

Dear spammers, I wish you’d take heed

to stop sending messages that prove

to us your greed!

You fill me with malice

because your sends are so callous!

To my spam filter I wish you godspeed!

Agency Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09

There once was an agent, quite tough

who made feel like I never got enough.

When I negotiated with him

my brain would begin to spin

and now it’s turning to fluff!

Crotchety Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09

A crotchety fellow named Rich

Was diagnosed with terminal itch

He searched for a way

that he’d feel okay

But he decided his life was a bitch

My trip out of town

My trip out of town by Rob Hood©6-30-09

I WENT FAR ON MY TRIP.

THEN I GOT LOST AND

COULDN'T GET A GRIP.

THOSE FELLOWS AT THAT

SERVICE STATION

WERE REALLY NICE!

THEY HELPED ME IMMENSELY

FOR ZERO PRICE.

BEFORE I GO ON ANOTHER JAUNT

I'LL BUY A GPS SYSTEM.

THE ELECTRONICS STORES

I WILL HAUNT.

WANDERING A4ROUND

IS NOT MY BIT.

NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO

GIVES ME A FIT!

At my leisure

At my leisure by Rob Hood©5-20-09

I'M SITTING HERE IN THE SHADE

NOT FOLLOWING ANY ORDERS

THAT ARE BADE.

I'M ALONE AND I AM FREE

ENJOYING EVERYTHING

THAT I SEE!

MOMENTS LIKE THIS

ARE FULL OF GRACE

MAKING MY WORLD

A HAPPIER PLACE!

I ENJOY EACH

LITTLE PLEASURE

AS I SIT HERE

AT MY LEISURE!

The New Math by Craig Damrauer

MAYBE = YES/NO +NO/YES

PATERNITY = WHAT + ARE YOU SURE?

NAGGING = REMINDING + REMINDING + REMINDING\

GRANDMA = WISDOM/BATTINESS

DEADBEAT DAD= PATERNITY/RESPONSIBILITY

UNCLE = DAD + FUN

NIHILISM = EXISTENCE/EXISTENXE X 0

DISAPPOINTMENT = EXPECTATION/REALITY

TV DINNER = THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS/4 + DESSERT

ONIONS = WEEPING - CATHARSIS

RAISIN = GRAPE + TIME

DOG = CAT + LOYALTY

RAT = (MOUSE X 4) - CUTE

LOVE = LIKE X LIKE

SANTA CLAUS = THE TOOTH FAIRY + 250 POUNDS

TRICK OR TREAT = EXTORTION + OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE?

HANDBALL = RACQUETBALL - RACKET

THE WEATHER FORECAST = PARTLY RIGHT +PARTLY WRONG +/- 50%

SILENCE =

CAR ALARM = THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF + AMPLIFICATION

ARTHRITIS = YOUR HANDS + THE WEATHER FORECAST

DEATH + NAP + FOREVER

WEDDING RING = METAPHOR - 400 BUCKS

PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANNA - LEG

PONZI SCHEME = ROI -R- I

SECRET SAUCE = KETCHUP + MAYO + SOMEONE WITH A REAL BIG MOUTH

DIVORCE = MARRIAGE/2

NEPOTISM = WHO'S YOUR DADDY?/ABILITY

ANGER = TICKED OFF X 3

IGNORANCE = IT/ WHAT I KNOW ABOUT IT

HAPPY = UNHAPPY- UN

CLAUSTROPHOBIA = YOU/SPACE

CRAZY = TALKING TO ONESELF - (CELL PHONE + EAR PIECE)

TAXES = YOUR PAYCHECK/ (ROADS + WARS + SCHOOLS) X BUREAUCRACY

LAUGHTER = HA X 3

PARALLEL PARKING = BUMPER CARS - AMUSEMENT PARK

SPEED BUMP = SLOW DOWN + TOO LATE

PREQUEL = SEQUEL - 2

TRUTH = WHAT I THINK HAPPENED/ WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

BULLY = A JERK - 1 GOOD ASS KICKING

INTERNSHIP = SHITWORK + COLLEGE CREDIT

GOOD MEETING = TIME SAVED/ TIME WASTED + SNACKS

A quiet moment

A quiet moment by Rob Hood©5-2-09

I approached a quiet stream

where I could sit alone and dream

of all the good within my life.

All those pleasant times

with my wife!

The water bubbled

and it was weird

because so many

different fish appeared.

They were of varied colors

both dark and bright.

I sensed them saying

"Try fishing, I will bite!"

But I hardly had any pep.

I was afraid to move.

To take a step.

I didn't want to

break my mood

because it felt so perfect

so very good!

A day in the life

A day in the life by Rob Hood©5-2-09

Will the nodules shrink or rise?

Will I be sad or have

a happy surprise?

Please God, let

the medicine work!

I love life!

Let this be my perk!

Every day

I'm pleased to be alive!

It seems like just yesterday

that I arrived

upon this planet

and all it's glory.

Where I was before

is another story.

Go Tigers

Go Tigers by Rob Hood©3-26-09


I hope the Missouri Tigers win

as they attack their foes

with a defensive spin!

Winning by forcing turnovers

is their game.

Wearing down foes

is their aim.

Coach Mike Anderson has the plan

and he has convinced our team

that if they ran

they'd wear down Memphis

to the bone

causing their fans

to rant and moan.

Tormenting their players

with defensive flare

on their coach's face

will be a negative glare

as we move on in the madness

They'll fill my heart

with supreme gladness!

Spring is here!

Spring is here! by Rob Hood©3-24-09

I love the season when plants start to flower

although there will be precipitation

in the form of a shower.

It is a season when blooming springs.

A rebirth of nature that each April brings.

I spot a fat robin eating worms.

What a sight!

That it discovered while in flight.

There is no better season for me!

Beholding a beautiful show

that is free!

Word Games

Word Games by Rob Hood©3-11-09

I love word games of all climbs.

They keep my mind limber

so I can continue to write rhymes.

I do well when letters are in order

as they follow down an

alphabetized corridor.

It's fun to solve letters

in a scramble

Their solution

is my preamble.

To some puzzles

put them in a quandary.

But for me

they set my mind free!

The Young

The Young by Rob Hood©1-23-09

I SPED THROUGH

MY EARLY LIFE

IN A TIZZY.

IT SURPRISES

ME NOW

THAT I DIDN'T

GET DIZZY.

YOUNG PEOPLE

MOVE FORWARD

WITHOUT A

TRUE AIM

BEFORE THEY REALIZE

THAT LIFE IS A GAME

WHERE RULES APPLY.

YOU MEET MANY

STANDARDS BEFORE

YOU DIE.

AFTER A WHILE

LIFE'S MEANINGS

START TO

COME CLEAR

AND THEN WE

ENJOY THE

THINGS THAT

WE HOLD DEAR.

WE MAY ONLY LIVE

LIFE BUT ONE TIME

AND THEN WE

ARE SUCKED INTO

THE PRIMAL SLIME.

BUT, PERHAPS

WE'LL RETURN UNTIL

WE GET THINGS RIGHT.

HOPING FOR THAT

MAKES MY

DISPOSITION

BRIGHT!

I'D LIKE TO

KEEP TRYING

TILL I SUCCEED

A FIGHT TO

THE FINISH

IS MY CREED.

I WISH I COULD TO

MY YOUNG LIFE RETURN

FILLED WITH THE

INSIGHTS OF ALL

I HAVE LEARNED!

Compliments

Compliments by Rob Hood©1-23-09

I'M UP IN THE AIR

I FEEL APART

SOME PEOPLE HAVE

ACCUSED ME OF

BEING SMART

I KNOW THAT GOD

HAS BLESSED ME

WITH A MIND

FOR THOSE

AMUSEMENTS

THAT I FIND

I'M UNCOMFORTABLE

RECEIVING COMPLIMENTS

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO REACT

I FEEL INTENSE

WHY ARE THESE

NICE THINGS

SAID TO ME?

THEY SEEM

TO COME

FOR NOTHING

I CAN SEE

I'M THE SAME

GUY I'VE

ALWAYS BEEN

NOT SO SPECIAL

SO WHY DID

I WIN YOUR PRAISE?

THAT WILL

PUT ME

IN A MAZE

FOR DAYS