Monday, April 20, 2009

The New Math by Craig Damrauer

MAYBE = YES/NO +NO/YES

PATERNITY = WHAT + ARE YOU SURE?

NAGGING = REMINDING + REMINDING + REMINDING\

GRANDMA = WISDOM/BATTINESS

DEADBEAT DAD= PATERNITY/RESPONSIBILITY

UNCLE = DAD + FUN

NIHILISM = EXISTENCE/EXISTENXE X 0

DISAPPOINTMENT = EXPECTATION/REALITY

TV DINNER = THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS/4 + DESSERT

ONIONS = WEEPING - CATHARSIS

RAISIN = GRAPE + TIME

DOG = CAT + LOYALTY

RAT = (MOUSE X 4) - CUTE

LOVE = LIKE X LIKE

SANTA CLAUS = THE TOOTH FAIRY + 250 POUNDS

TRICK OR TREAT = EXTORTION + OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE?

HANDBALL = RACQUETBALL - RACKET

THE WEATHER FORECAST = PARTLY RIGHT +PARTLY WRONG +/- 50%

SILENCE =

CAR ALARM = THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF + AMPLIFICATION

ARTHRITIS = YOUR HANDS + THE WEATHER FORECAST

DEATH + NAP + FOREVER

WEDDING RING = METAPHOR - 400 BUCKS

PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANNA - LEG

PONZI SCHEME = ROI -R- I

SECRET SAUCE = KETCHUP + MAYO + SOMEONE WITH A REAL BIG MOUTH

DIVORCE = MARRIAGE/2

NEPOTISM = WHO'S YOUR DADDY?/ABILITY

ANGER = TICKED OFF X 3

IGNORANCE = IT/ WHAT I KNOW ABOUT IT

HAPPY = UNHAPPY- UN

CLAUSTROPHOBIA = YOU/SPACE

CRAZY = TALKING TO ONESELF - (CELL PHONE + EAR PIECE)

TAXES = YOUR PAYCHECK/ (ROADS + WARS + SCHOOLS) X BUREAUCRACY

LAUGHTER = HA X 3

PARALLEL PARKING = BUMPER CARS - AMUSEMENT PARK

SPEED BUMP = SLOW DOWN + TOO LATE

PREQUEL = SEQUEL - 2

TRUTH = WHAT I THINK HAPPENED/ WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

BULLY = A JERK - 1 GOOD ASS KICKING

INTERNSHIP = SHITWORK + COLLEGE CREDIT

GOOD MEETING = TIME SAVED/ TIME WASTED + SNACKS

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