The New Math by Craig Damrauer

MAYBE = YES/NO +NO/YES

PATERNITY = WHAT + ARE YOU SURE?

NAGGING = REMINDING + REMINDING + REMINDING\

GRANDMA = WISDOM/BATTINESS

DEADBEAT DAD= PATERNITY/RESPONSIBILITY

UNCLE = DAD + FUN

NIHILISM = EXISTENCE/EXISTENXE X 0

DISAPPOINTMENT = EXPECTATION/REALITY

TV DINNER = THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS/4 + DESSERT

ONIONS = WEEPING - CATHARSIS

RAISIN = GRAPE + TIME

DOG = CAT + LOYALTY

RAT = (MOUSE X 4) - CUTE

LOVE = LIKE X LIKE

SANTA CLAUS = THE TOOTH FAIRY + 250 POUNDS

TRICK OR TREAT = EXTORTION + OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE?

HANDBALL = RACQUETBALL - RACKET

THE WEATHER FORECAST = PARTLY RIGHT +PARTLY WRONG +/- 50%

SILENCE =

CAR ALARM = THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF + AMPLIFICATION

ARTHRITIS = YOUR HANDS + THE WEATHER FORECAST

DEATH + NAP + FOREVER

WEDDING RING = METAPHOR - 400 BUCKS

PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANNA - LEG

PONZI SCHEME = ROI -R- I

SECRET SAUCE = KETCHUP + MAYO + SOMEONE WITH A REAL BIG MOUTH

DIVORCE = MARRIAGE/2

NEPOTISM = WHO'S YOUR DADDY?/ABILITY

ANGER = TICKED OFF X 3

IGNORANCE = IT/ WHAT I KNOW ABOUT IT

HAPPY = UNHAPPY- UN

CLAUSTROPHOBIA = YOU/SPACE

CRAZY = TALKING TO ONESELF - (CELL PHONE + EAR PIECE)

TAXES = YOUR PAYCHECK/ (ROADS + WARS + SCHOOLS) X BUREAUCRACY

LAUGHTER = HA X 3

PARALLEL PARKING = BUMPER CARS - AMUSEMENT PARK

SPEED BUMP = SLOW DOWN + TOO LATE

PREQUEL = SEQUEL - 2

TRUTH = WHAT I THINK HAPPENED/ WHAT REALLY HAPPENED

BULLY = A JERK - 1 GOOD ASS KICKING

INTERNSHIP = SHITWORK + COLLEGE CREDIT

GOOD MEETING = TIME SAVED/ TIME WASTED + SNACKS

A quiet moment

A quiet moment by Rob Hood©5-2-09

I approached a quiet stream

where I could sit alone and dream

of all the good within my life.

All those pleasant times

with my wife!

The water bubbled

and it was weird

because so many

different fish appeared.

They were of varied colors

both dark and bright.

I sensed them saying

"Try fishing, I will bite!"

But I hardly had any pep.

I was afraid to move.

To take a step.

I didn't want to

break my mood

because it felt so perfect

so very good!

A day in the life

A day in the life by Rob Hood©5-2-09

Will the nodules shrink or rise?

Will I be sad or have

a happy surprise?

Please God, let

the medicine work!

I love life!

Let this be my perk!

Every day

I'm pleased to be alive!

It seems like just yesterday

that I arrived

upon this planet

and all it's glory.

Where I was before

is another story.