I apologize! by Rob Hood©2-2-10
I'm sorry for the wretched way that i acted.
For all the anger and sadness my words impacted.
If I could only go back in time
and delete my words of dirt and grime,
I could have avoided making you sad
I'd feel much better, yes I'd be glad!
But alas that cannot be.
So you can see the idiot that's me.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Aging gracefully
Aging gracefully by Rob Hood© 9-22-09
Growing old can be such a pain
When there are many signs of rain
So keep yourself forever nimble
Make great health your symbol
Join my "Keep Healthy" campaign!
Growing old can be such a pain
When there are many signs of rain
So keep yourself forever nimble
Make great health your symbol
Join my "Keep Healthy" campaign!
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I'll put this frankly!
I'll put this frankly! by Rob Hood© 7-22-09
A very strange fellow named Frank
took a potion to make himself
bigger, but he shrank!
He complained to it's maker
who professed he shouldn't
have been it's taker.
He had a mix up in
prescriptions to thank!
A very strange fellow named Frank
took a potion to make himself
bigger, but he shrank!
He complained to it's maker
who professed he shouldn't
have been it's taker.
He had a mix up in
prescriptions to thank!
Friday, July 10, 2009
A few limericks
A joke in the making by Rob Hood©7-10-09
Al Franken was never funny on Saturday night.
His humor was not very bright.
But I think that he'll begin
to give me a grin
when he appears on the C-SPAN site!
Hareless in Gaza by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
There once was a guy with no hair
Oh his pate was completely bare!
He never used a comb.
That utensil had no home.
It definitely had no use up there!
June Down The Drain by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
Oh when will the rain ever wane?
One would think that God would abstain
from taking a tinkle.
I’ll bet that’s a new wrinkle!
Until the water goes down the drain!
My Advice To Spammers by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
Dear spammers, I wish you’d take heed
to stop sending messages that prove
to us your greed!
You fill me with malice
because your sends are so callous!
To my spam filter I wish you godspeed!
Agency Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
There once was an agent, quite tough
who made feel like I never got enough.
When I negotiated with him
my brain would begin to spin
and now it’s turning to fluff!
Crotchety Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
A crotchety fellow named Rich
Was diagnosed with terminal itch
He searched for a way
that he’d feel okay
But he decided his life was a bitch
Al Franken was never funny on Saturday night.
His humor was not very bright.
But I think that he'll begin
to give me a grin
when he appears on the C-SPAN site!
Hareless in Gaza by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
There once was a guy with no hair
Oh his pate was completely bare!
He never used a comb.
That utensil had no home.
It definitely had no use up there!
June Down The Drain by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
Oh when will the rain ever wane?
One would think that God would abstain
from taking a tinkle.
I’ll bet that’s a new wrinkle!
Until the water goes down the drain!
My Advice To Spammers by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
Dear spammers, I wish you’d take heed
to stop sending messages that prove
to us your greed!
You fill me with malice
because your sends are so callous!
To my spam filter I wish you godspeed!
Agency Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
There once was an agent, quite tough
who made feel like I never got enough.
When I negotiated with him
my brain would begin to spin
and now it’s turning to fluff!
Crotchety Ode by Rob Hood© 7-10-09
A crotchety fellow named Rich
Was diagnosed with terminal itch
He searched for a way
that he’d feel okay
But he decided his life was a bitch
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
My trip out of town
My trip out of town by Rob Hood©6-30-09
I WENT FAR ON MY TRIP.
THEN I GOT LOST AND
COULDN'T GET A GRIP.
THOSE FELLOWS AT THAT
SERVICE STATION
WERE REALLY NICE!
THEY HELPED ME IMMENSELY
FOR ZERO PRICE.
BEFORE I GO ON ANOTHER JAUNT
I'LL BUY A GPS SYSTEM.
THE ELECTRONICS STORES
I WILL HAUNT.
WANDERING A4ROUND
IS NOT MY BIT.
NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO
GIVES ME A FIT!
I WENT FAR ON MY TRIP.
THEN I GOT LOST AND
COULDN'T GET A GRIP.
THOSE FELLOWS AT THAT
SERVICE STATION
WERE REALLY NICE!
THEY HELPED ME IMMENSELY
FOR ZERO PRICE.
BEFORE I GO ON ANOTHER JAUNT
I'LL BUY A GPS SYSTEM.
THE ELECTRONICS STORES
I WILL HAUNT.
WANDERING A4ROUND
IS NOT MY BIT.
NOT KNOWING WHERE TO GO
GIVES ME A FIT!
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
At my leisure
At my leisure by Rob Hood©5-20-09
I'M SITTING HERE IN THE SHADE
NOT FOLLOWING ANY ORDERS
THAT ARE BADE.
I'M ALONE AND I AM FREE
ENJOYING EVERYTHING
THAT I SEE!
MOMENTS LIKE THIS
ARE FULL OF GRACE
MAKING MY WORLD
A HAPPIER PLACE!
I ENJOY EACH
LITTLE PLEASURE
AS I SIT HERE
AT MY LEISURE!
I'M SITTING HERE IN THE SHADE
NOT FOLLOWING ANY ORDERS
THAT ARE BADE.
I'M ALONE AND I AM FREE
ENJOYING EVERYTHING
THAT I SEE!
MOMENTS LIKE THIS
ARE FULL OF GRACE
MAKING MY WORLD
A HAPPIER PLACE!
I ENJOY EACH
LITTLE PLEASURE
AS I SIT HERE
AT MY LEISURE!
Monday, April 20, 2009
The New Math by Craig Damrauer
MAYBE = YES/NO +NO/YES
PATERNITY = WHAT + ARE YOU SURE?
NAGGING = REMINDING + REMINDING + REMINDING\
GRANDMA = WISDOM/BATTINESS
DEADBEAT DAD= PATERNITY/RESPONSIBILITY
UNCLE = DAD + FUN
NIHILISM = EXISTENCE/EXISTENXE X 0
DISAPPOINTMENT = EXPECTATION/REALITY
TV DINNER = THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS/4 + DESSERT
ONIONS = WEEPING - CATHARSIS
RAISIN = GRAPE + TIME
DOG = CAT + LOYALTY
RAT = (MOUSE X 4) - CUTE
LOVE = LIKE X LIKE
SANTA CLAUS = THE TOOTH FAIRY + 250 POUNDS
TRICK OR TREAT = EXTORTION + OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE?
HANDBALL = RACQUETBALL - RACKET
THE WEATHER FORECAST = PARTLY RIGHT +PARTLY WRONG +/- 50%
SILENCE =
CAR ALARM = THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF + AMPLIFICATION
ARTHRITIS = YOUR HANDS + THE WEATHER FORECAST
DEATH + NAP + FOREVER
WEDDING RING = METAPHOR - 400 BUCKS
PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANNA - LEG
PONZI SCHEME = ROI -R- I
SECRET SAUCE = KETCHUP + MAYO + SOMEONE WITH A REAL BIG MOUTH
DIVORCE = MARRIAGE/2
NEPOTISM = WHO'S YOUR DADDY?/ABILITY
ANGER = TICKED OFF X 3
IGNORANCE = IT/ WHAT I KNOW ABOUT IT
HAPPY = UNHAPPY- UN
CLAUSTROPHOBIA = YOU/SPACE
CRAZY = TALKING TO ONESELF - (CELL PHONE + EAR PIECE)
TAXES = YOUR PAYCHECK/ (ROADS + WARS + SCHOOLS) X BUREAUCRACY
LAUGHTER = HA X 3
PARALLEL PARKING = BUMPER CARS - AMUSEMENT PARK
SPEED BUMP = SLOW DOWN + TOO LATE
PREQUEL = SEQUEL - 2
TRUTH = WHAT I THINK HAPPENED/ WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
BULLY = A JERK - 1 GOOD ASS KICKING
INTERNSHIP = SHITWORK + COLLEGE CREDIT
GOOD MEETING = TIME SAVED/ TIME WASTED + SNACKS
PATERNITY = WHAT + ARE YOU SURE?
NAGGING = REMINDING + REMINDING + REMINDING\
GRANDMA = WISDOM/BATTINESS
DEADBEAT DAD= PATERNITY/RESPONSIBILITY
UNCLE = DAD + FUN
NIHILISM = EXISTENCE/EXISTENXE X 0
DISAPPOINTMENT = EXPECTATION/REALITY
TV DINNER = THE FOUR FOOD GROUPS/4 + DESSERT
ONIONS = WEEPING - CATHARSIS
RAISIN = GRAPE + TIME
DOG = CAT + LOYALTY
RAT = (MOUSE X 4) - CUTE
LOVE = LIKE X LIKE
SANTA CLAUS = THE TOOTH FAIRY + 250 POUNDS
TRICK OR TREAT = EXTORTION + OH, ISN'T THAT CUTE?
HANDBALL = RACQUETBALL - RACKET
THE WEATHER FORECAST = PARTLY RIGHT +PARTLY WRONG +/- 50%
SILENCE =
CAR ALARM = THE BOY WHO CRIED WOLF + AMPLIFICATION
ARTHRITIS = YOUR HANDS + THE WEATHER FORECAST
DEATH + NAP + FOREVER
WEDDING RING = METAPHOR - 400 BUCKS
PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANNA - LEG
PONZI SCHEME = ROI -R- I
SECRET SAUCE = KETCHUP + MAYO + SOMEONE WITH A REAL BIG MOUTH
DIVORCE = MARRIAGE/2
NEPOTISM = WHO'S YOUR DADDY?/ABILITY
ANGER = TICKED OFF X 3
IGNORANCE = IT/ WHAT I KNOW ABOUT IT
HAPPY = UNHAPPY- UN
CLAUSTROPHOBIA = YOU/SPACE
CRAZY = TALKING TO ONESELF - (CELL PHONE + EAR PIECE)
TAXES = YOUR PAYCHECK/ (ROADS + WARS + SCHOOLS) X BUREAUCRACY
LAUGHTER = HA X 3
PARALLEL PARKING = BUMPER CARS - AMUSEMENT PARK
SPEED BUMP = SLOW DOWN + TOO LATE
PREQUEL = SEQUEL - 2
TRUTH = WHAT I THINK HAPPENED/ WHAT REALLY HAPPENED
BULLY = A JERK - 1 GOOD ASS KICKING
INTERNSHIP = SHITWORK + COLLEGE CREDIT
GOOD MEETING = TIME SAVED/ TIME WASTED + SNACKS
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)